My Church “punishes” my second marriage

Elio Cirimbelli, a 66-year-old family counselor from Bolzano in north-eastern Italy, goes to church most Sundays. He is a devout Roman Catholic but when he attends mass he cannot receive holy communion and must stay in the pew while the rest of the congregation goes up to receive the sacramental bread and wine. “It’s very hard, let’s put it that way,” Cirimbelli says. “We have a church that can be a mother, but sometimes it is a mother which does not embrace but which punishes.”
Millions of Catholics around the world are similarly affected by the church’s ban on communion for those who have divorced – as Cirimbelli did in 1987 – and then remarried.
In a global community divided by headline-grabbing issues such as abortion, contraception and gay sex, divorce is far from the most inflammatory topic of conversation. But for a huge number of ordinary people it is a regular and painful reminder that their church considers them ineligible for a right it grants to almost all other Catholics – murderers included.
True to his image as the pontiff who listens to the people and wants to build a less hectoring and more inclusive church, Pope Francis now wants to start talking about it.
Before a meeting of international bishops in Rome next Sunday [2014], hopes are high that the pope might decide to set in motion a loosening of the ban which would finally allow Cirimbelli, who married his second wife in 1991, to take holy communion after 23 long years.
“I met Pope Francis in 2013 and I said, ‘We are what the Catholic church considers an irregular family, but we entrust our sufferings – and the sufferings of many people I meet as part of my work – to your hands’,” said Cirimbelli, a father of three. “But we hope and believe in a merciful church.’ The pope embraced me and said, ‘No, the church will not abandon you’.”
What Cirimbelli would like to see is the adoption of an idea put forward most prominently by a German cardinal, Walter Kasper, according to which Rome would look to the Eastern Orthodox church for a way forward and allow some people who had remarried civilly to do a period of penance that would eventually lift their ban on holy communion. He is keen to stress that his proposed reform would leave the indissolubility of marriage intact and would merely involve taking a more accepting, tolerant attitude towards the person’s second – civil – marriage.
Tina Beattie, a liberal Catholic theologian, believes that the stage has been set for a change, but also for “an epochal, defining struggle”.
“The ground has been well-prepared for a shift on the readmission of divorced and remarried Catholics to the sacraments,” she said. “I don’t think this will involve any change in doctrine. It will be a pragmatic shift which will put pastoral practice before doctrinal rigidity.”
But not everyone wants this, and opponents of the proposal are not willing to go down without a fight. In the weeks leading up to the extraordinary synod on the family, due to run from 5-19 October,[2014] the conservative chorus has been growing louder among the so-called princes of the church, with six cardinals coming out publicly against Kasper and a collection of “anti” essays being published in five different countries on Wednesday. Among the critics are Gerhard Ludwig Müller, head of the powerful Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, and George Pell, the Australian picked by Francis to run the Vatican’s new secretariat for the economy.
Robert Dodaro, Rome-based professor [asks us to consider this:] “How would you feel if you were told: well, your second marriage – we’re tolerating it but we’re not accepting it?” he said.
The Catholic church doesn’t recognise divorce, so those individuals are still married … in the eyes of Christ. They are still married to their original spouses. The second marriage is a contradiction in terms because as long as that original spouse remains alive that bond is still in effect.
At least one of the cardinals . . . advocates the hiring of more canon lawyers to marriage tribunals to enable the streamlining of the marriage annulment process.
And some observers believe that, rather than Kasper’s suggestion, this could be the area of eventual compromise. Last Saturday, the Vatican announced a new commission that seemed to be heading in that direction. A statement said its aim would be to reform the annulment-granting process, “with the objective of simplifying its procedure, making it more streamlined, and safeguarding the principle of the indissolubility of matrimony”.
But for a reformist who has built his papacy on reaching out to the margins and who constantly repeats the need for the church to be less obsessed with rules and more concerned with real people, the stakes in the coming months – big decisions are not expected to be made until another synod next year – are high.
“This is in my view an epochal-defining struggle,” says Beattie, professor of Catholic studies at Roehampton University. “Will the church emerge from this as a church more in the image of Vatican II and Francis, or will Francis be defeated by very powerful conservative forces so that we might see the emergence of an even more doctrinally rigid and unyielding ethos?”
For Cirimbelli, the stakes are also high, and the conservatives clearly make him angry. “I can say that it [their book] made me come out in a rash,” he says. “The thing that hurts me is that these illustrious cardinals, these illustrious eminencies, talk too much theory. If you’ll allow me a provocation, they should maybe spend a bit less time behind their desks and more time among the people. Which is what the pope has done. Francis is not a pope, priest, bishop, cardinal of the curial palaces. He is the pope, priest, bishop and cardinal of the streets.”  (source slightly edited)
So, what would you want to say to Mr. Cirimbelli?  . . . to the cardinals that want everything to remain the same?  . . . to Pope Francis?  Post your comments below. Let others know what you are thinking and feeling!
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